Carta a los Reyes Magos 2013

And once more, it is time to write the Carta a los Reyes Magos. The main reason why I am writing so late this year is because it took me time to think about the worst feelings. Of course, there were bad moments during this year but still, it was hard to define them as really bad ones.  So I am going to short my letter to 5 events.
Maybe I am becoming more and more optimist or as who knows, it might be that I am looking at the bright side of life.

Worst feelings 2013
1. All those moments and days coming back home from work with the feeling that I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Night shift days and the feeling of having to prove every single second not only that I was able to do my tasks but others too... and  realizing there were lots of people who didn't have to do that.

2. Bad things come always together so those horrible days in June in which everything was bad and the feeling of crying but not being able to do it. So crying without tears. The uncertainty of  my father's disease.

3. The same drama when I go back home and the same feeling every year and although I know it is like that, the incapacity to avoid it, to do not suffer because of it.

4. Losing and missing him. And not being able to avoid it as it was a bad moment and I was not able to give the most of myself. The feeling, once everything was over , that I could have gave him so so many things... and I gave so little: only problems and drama. And being ashamed about everything.

5 The feeling or moment when I realized that I had no idea what I was doing with my everyday life: that I was in a dynamic where I was not  enjoying having hobbies or doing something with the exception of  working (although it is hard  to have hobbies working on shifts and I solved it - from July,  I started to do things again)

Best feelings 2012
1.Learning to be patient. And having patience and patience and patience. Because to reach the end of the road you have to walk a  little step everyday. And those little moments of  being able to prove myself and succeed in it.

2. Amaya in Berlin - hosting Amaya during the Berlinale. And being able to have a little piece of Costa Rica in Berlin. Being so so proud of her. Being able to see her after one year.

3. Finding a (quasi) perfect place and a wonderful flatmate who is always there, for good and bad moments. Finding stability (according to my meaning of it).

4.  Paris, Milan,  a wedding in Berlin, a coffee with a friend, meeting little new lives.. in Madrid, Berlin, Leipzig....Once more,  the feeling of having awesome friends. So to sum up, a lot of little moments with friends. And that feeling that I am not working alone.

5. And, because the best moments are sometimes related with the worst ones: meeting him and that moment I realized I wanted  it  to work out, even when it was too late for that.

Wishes/ Expectations for 2014

1.365 days full of achievements: new challenges at the office (and finally, to get the department I want), new trips and above all, meetings with old friends. I was able to get a guest room so my wish is to be able to have to prepare it for lots of visitors.

2. happiness, stability and health  for everyone I know - that means a baby for someone, a weeding for others, the end of a disease, finding a job.... And being able to be part of it (in presence or from the distance).

3. Costa Rica - enjoy the place where Amaya lives, enjoy some holidays surrounded by the sound of the nature. 

4. Keep on running. For 2014 I wanted to run Berlin's marathon but I was unlucky and I didn't get a spot. Anyways,  I want to continue jogging, as at the end, it is what I am. And also continue with football and Zumba.

5. Collaborate with the FSFE - I support it but this year a bit lack of time plus laziness avoid me to helping them as much as I wanted. In 2014 I want to have more commitment.

Assessing my live 2013

Here I am. Once again. After one more year of laughing, crying, learning, getting angry, making friends... so to say, after another lived year.
2013 is about to finish.  One year of some kind of stability, if I think in terms of job and living perspectives. The two words that described how last year ended was joy and expectations. I guess I cannot use those word for this year but I think I still can use happiness and hope. It might not be as good as the previous one but still good words. Indeed, I am writing this post from Kiev.

This was a quite intense year. I am starting to realize that it might be that my life is going to be like this. Though it is impossible to have that 100% perfect stability, I am getting used to get only up to 40%. But it is more than enough. So considering last year Carta a los Reyes

1. Accomplished! Being lucky is not only a question of faith but also of hard work. So I can say I managed to be really lucky as this year a learnt one of my most important lessons: that I would get things but never without fighting for them, because even if you get them, they might not be so good as you thought and you will fight to get them. And I have to be happy because my friends are quite lucky too. And it took me so so long but at the end, I was lucky to get a place I can really call home. And that really was a stroke of luck

2. After several years without money, I managed to reach that comfortable position that makes you worry about it as I cannot quit my job but also to live quite good (according to some standards) without having to care about it so much. Of course, it was not so easy and it is still not as good as it should be but, as I am happy I (finally) reached that position.  and what I can say! I even own a washing machine.

Once again, I spent another year without being sick (fingers crossed) but I cannot say the same for some friends and relatives. But, after some months of fight and suffering, I am more than happy to say that everyone I loved was able to get through their diseases. A really close relative died this year but I was able to visit her about a month before it and I was expecting it. that is the cycle of the life. I keep her close to my heart and try to be the person she wanted me to become. And love... ejem, it is another chapter xD

3.More than accomplished! Not always but I had more than I thought at the beginning of the year. With old and new friends, with acquaintances, with colleagues... And since last September, with my awesome flatmate, that one who is at home always with a smile.

4. At the same time I am getting my stability, I am realizing that so do my friends. Some of the ones who were a bit lost during last year are getting a clearer path, some of them still need to find a new one to walk to. But they are doing great. And I am really happy to be able to see it .

5.after reading her "assessing my live", I have no doubts - ACCOMPLISHED!

6. I have the feeling that I live in the center of the universe. I am getting a lot of visits and even my working schedule is not really helping to be able to manage some of them, to get even more... the year was great in that sense. And it seems that it is going to continue during 2014!. Just in case, I am keeping a guest room.

7. After several months of lazy overwintering, I started to work to accomplished this wish. I went to German classes again (though my German might have not improved), I went to Zumba... I might haven't found a lot of new hobbies but my cooking might have improved. Yet, I need to focus in some hobbies such us free software and knitting. And I recovered the hobby of walking.

So, the year 2013 started with really high expectations that were flizzing out but luckily not so so much (And not all of them). Another good year with some great achievements but not as much as I would like to but for the moment, with a lot of stability. That is good so it leaves 2014 quite open to go on swimmnig.