Carta a los Reyes 2014

This Carta is an annual todo.And it can be barely the same year after year but I still like this process of losing the fear of thinking about it and of making it publish. And because it gives me an excuse to stop 10 minutes and think, an excuse to sit in front of a computer and write... just normal feelings of a normal human being.

Worst feelings 2014
1. Watching my lovely awesome flatmate being heart broken. And not being able to do anything to stop her crying, unable to do anything else than giving her all my support, advice and love.

2 &;3. The tears caused due to "some parts" of my job, the feeling of incompetence. The fear of leaving it, not being brave enough to give it up.

4. That moment in Hamburg with my family when we were quarreling so much that I was about to take a bus back to Berlin. Because some feelings never change. And some things do not change.

5. The feeling of lack of time and being running from one place to another. Not being able to enjoy my friends as much as I want. The lack of a schedule to be able to get  hobbies (or at least, to enroll in a German course). And the feeling of being at home and do not know what to do because I am not used anymore to be home and read a book without any worries.

6.Drama

7.  The "I prefer to be with people who have studied science because they can understand my jokes". That sentence that someone close to me said.

Best feelings 2014

1.Realizing that I am not doing it so bad and starting to be a bit proud of myself (we can always be better):I am not so bad at my job, I managed to build a place I can call home and I became quiet independent. And  to say in my own way:, understanding that  "you cannot play with a Newspotter wearing high heels. 

2. After almost 30 years understanding that, not only none can fulfill the expectations people have on us but also that sometimes those ones are not real or contradictory

3. Feeling lucky due to my friendships:  because it is a real feeling. And hose friends here and there. I might not be the "significant other" of someone but I have really good people around me, for a laugh or a hug ( even virtual ones!), for telling them some news or for listening their news. And that is, for me, really important. So those little moments shared with a friend.  And knowing that one friend was finally healthy (and being able to enjoy her for several days). Or meeting, finally, some babies. 

4. That trip to Turkey, where I  was able to talk with people and hear their stories. Because those hours I was feeling that force that took me to choose this profession and took me back to the first days of university when  we all were full of that journalist dream. 

5.  My sweet flatmate. Because home became home thanks to her. 

6. Costa Rica. And planning a trip to India (finally!)

7.  Getting a spot for running Berlin Marathon in 2015. 

Wishes/ Expectations for 2015
(which is becoming harder and harder every year)

1 & 2. India (okay that one is easy), Amaya back in Berlin (for several days), my flatmate back home... and those weddings and babies (already made or about to be made). Basically being able to keep on having my number 3 of best feelings in the list (and not only for one more year). And visiting or talking with them more often.

3.To say in an easy way - working to follow some of my dreams or to take the path towards them (people do it and they are lucky so it might be the time to try): in the career level and in the private one.

4. Running Berlin Marathon - a challenge I chose to have so being able to run and finish it.

5. Going to visit my family at least once every 3  months

6. That project with Suki

7.Learning German (yes, finally)

Assessing my life 2014

Dear Facebook, I am sorry but you cannot choose the best moments of my year. That is one of my duties, when December comes. So once more, on December 25th, I am assessing my life. 2014 is the year of the planes, the year that came as fast as it is leaving that I didn't even realized it was time to write Christmas cards again. But it is also the year of the visits and the year of getting a place called home.

So, let's get down to business (Carta a los Reyes 2013)

1. Accomplished. And almost with capital letters:  my job is offering me lots of new challenges... in one way or another.  I did not manage to get as much time as I wanted to meet friends  (and that should be a to do for next year) but at least our guest room was quiet full. I managed to  learn how to use our equipment, to drive alone again, to climb the Alps with a tripod, go to the Turkish-Syrian border, to film some anarchists in Greece.. or even to run a zombie run with a gopro and a live U or to hold Live U for hours above me to get it work. And I am managing to deal with my boss...

2.  Finally close people around me are healthy (not everyone but most of them) so it was not a bad year. It can improve, of course but I have to consider it was a positive year. Because  the ones that are not 100 % heal, are becoming stronger. 

3. The trip to Costa Rica  was amazing. It not only make me disconnect (finally) but also I enjoyed every second in that awesome country: my routes alone, meeting Amaya's environment there and having the chance to know JP a bit better, the food, the Nature... even that moment when I was sunburned or when we had to walk really fast to avoid being trapped in a beach.

4.  Not as much as I wanted, but I managed to keep on running. The lack of a routine makes it hard but  I still enjoy it as much as the first day. Jogging in Tempelhof , through the canal, towards Treptower Park... so many routes and all of them different and interesting.

5.  The only one I did not manage to accomplish. And it is a pity as I really would have like to do it. I guess I had my mind in other things. So I did not collaborate with the FSFE during 2014 but that leaves me a new challenge for 2015.

To sum up, I succeed in most of my expectations for 2014. I guess I was not expecting a lot from this year more than stability and a bit of happiness and I was lucky because my life rhythm did not allow me to go through a lot of new challenges. Or basically because it was one of those year for discovering yourself.  But it was good because I kept on swimming and growing up.. and with friends.

Carta a los Reyes Magos 2013

And once more, it is time to write the Carta a los Reyes Magos. The main reason why I am writing so late this year is because it took me time to think about the worst feelings. Of course, there were bad moments during this year but still, it was hard to define them as really bad ones.  So I am going to short my letter to 5 events.
Maybe I am becoming more and more optimist or as who knows, it might be that I am looking at the bright side of life.

Worst feelings 2013
1. All those moments and days coming back home from work with the feeling that I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Night shift days and the feeling of having to prove every single second not only that I was able to do my tasks but others too... and  realizing there were lots of people who didn't have to do that.

2. Bad things come always together so those horrible days in June in which everything was bad and the feeling of crying but not being able to do it. So crying without tears. The uncertainty of  my father's disease.

3. The same drama when I go back home and the same feeling every year and although I know it is like that, the incapacity to avoid it, to do not suffer because of it.

4. Losing and missing him. And not being able to avoid it as it was a bad moment and I was not able to give the most of myself. The feeling, once everything was over , that I could have gave him so so many things... and I gave so little: only problems and drama. And being ashamed about everything.

5 The feeling or moment when I realized that I had no idea what I was doing with my everyday life: that I was in a dynamic where I was not  enjoying having hobbies or doing something with the exception of  working (although it is hard  to have hobbies working on shifts and I solved it - from July,  I started to do things again)

Best feelings 2012
1.Learning to be patient. And having patience and patience and patience. Because to reach the end of the road you have to walk a  little step everyday. And those little moments of  being able to prove myself and succeed in it.

2. Amaya in Berlin - hosting Amaya during the Berlinale. And being able to have a little piece of Costa Rica in Berlin. Being so so proud of her. Being able to see her after one year.

3. Finding a (quasi) perfect place and a wonderful flatmate who is always there, for good and bad moments. Finding stability (according to my meaning of it).

4.  Paris, Milan,  a wedding in Berlin, a coffee with a friend, meeting little new lives.. in Madrid, Berlin, Leipzig....Once more,  the feeling of having awesome friends. So to sum up, a lot of little moments with friends. And that feeling that I am not working alone.

5. And, because the best moments are sometimes related with the worst ones: meeting him and that moment I realized I wanted  it  to work out, even when it was too late for that.

Wishes/ Expectations for 2014

1.365 days full of achievements: new challenges at the office (and finally, to get the department I want), new trips and above all, meetings with old friends. I was able to get a guest room so my wish is to be able to have to prepare it for lots of visitors.

2. happiness, stability and health  for everyone I know - that means a baby for someone, a weeding for others, the end of a disease, finding a job.... And being able to be part of it (in presence or from the distance).

3. Costa Rica - enjoy the place where Amaya lives, enjoy some holidays surrounded by the sound of the nature. 

4. Keep on running. For 2014 I wanted to run Berlin's marathon but I was unlucky and I didn't get a spot. Anyways,  I want to continue jogging, as at the end, it is what I am. And also continue with football and Zumba.

5. Collaborate with the FSFE - I support it but this year a bit lack of time plus laziness avoid me to helping them as much as I wanted. In 2014 I want to have more commitment.

Assessing my live 2013

Here I am. Once again. After one more year of laughing, crying, learning, getting angry, making friends... so to say, after another lived year.
2013 is about to finish.  One year of some kind of stability, if I think in terms of job and living perspectives. The two words that described how last year ended was joy and expectations. I guess I cannot use those word for this year but I think I still can use happiness and hope. It might not be as good as the previous one but still good words. Indeed, I am writing this post from Kiev.

This was a quite intense year. I am starting to realize that it might be that my life is going to be like this. Though it is impossible to have that 100% perfect stability, I am getting used to get only up to 40%. But it is more than enough. So considering last year Carta a los Reyes

1. Accomplished! Being lucky is not only a question of faith but also of hard work. So I can say I managed to be really lucky as this year a learnt one of my most important lessons: that I would get things but never without fighting for them, because even if you get them, they might not be so good as you thought and you will fight to get them. And I have to be happy because my friends are quite lucky too. And it took me so so long but at the end, I was lucky to get a place I can really call home. And that really was a stroke of luck

2. After several years without money, I managed to reach that comfortable position that makes you worry about it as I cannot quit my job but also to live quite good (according to some standards) without having to care about it so much. Of course, it was not so easy and it is still not as good as it should be but, as I am happy I (finally) reached that position.  and what I can say! I even own a washing machine.

Once again, I spent another year without being sick (fingers crossed) but I cannot say the same for some friends and relatives. But, after some months of fight and suffering, I am more than happy to say that everyone I loved was able to get through their diseases. A really close relative died this year but I was able to visit her about a month before it and I was expecting it. that is the cycle of the life. I keep her close to my heart and try to be the person she wanted me to become. And love... ejem, it is another chapter xD

3.More than accomplished! Not always but I had more than I thought at the beginning of the year. With old and new friends, with acquaintances, with colleagues... And since last September, with my awesome flatmate, that one who is at home always with a smile.

4. At the same time I am getting my stability, I am realizing that so do my friends. Some of the ones who were a bit lost during last year are getting a clearer path, some of them still need to find a new one to walk to. But they are doing great. And I am really happy to be able to see it .

5.after reading her "assessing my live", I have no doubts - ACCOMPLISHED!

6. I have the feeling that I live in the center of the universe. I am getting a lot of visits and even my working schedule is not really helping to be able to manage some of them, to get even more... the year was great in that sense. And it seems that it is going to continue during 2014!. Just in case, I am keeping a guest room.

7. After several months of lazy overwintering, I started to work to accomplished this wish. I went to German classes again (though my German might have not improved), I went to Zumba... I might haven't found a lot of new hobbies but my cooking might have improved. Yet, I need to focus in some hobbies such us free software and knitting. And I recovered the hobby of walking.

So, the year 2013 started with really high expectations that were flizzing out but luckily not so so much (And not all of them). Another good year with some great achievements but not as much as I would like to but for the moment, with a lot of stability. That is good so it leaves 2014 quite open to go on swimmnig.

La posible alternativa

El pasado domingo, Alemania celebraba el Bundestagwahl, es decir, las elecciones generales al congreso para elegir nuevos diputados y nuevo Canciller. Y aunque los que me conocéis sabéis mi fobia a estar a menos de 100 metros a un político, decidí aprovechar esta ocasión para curiosear si al final todos los políticos son parte de la misma fauna. Total, aquí tengo la excusa de la lengua para hacerme la tonta.

    En un principio pensaba pasarme por la sede de la CDU (Christlich Demokratische Union), vamos a ver que se cocía en el cotarro de Merkel, al final acabe siguiendo el proceso electoral en un céntrico hotel berlinés, que se convirtió durante esa jornada en el headquarters del imberbe Alternative fuer Deutschland, el AfD, un partido político fundado hace poco más de un año y que luchaba por lograr el ansiado 5% necesario para poder formar parte del Bundestag. 

    Aunque se quedaron con la miel en los labios al quedarse en el 4,8% y tendrán que esperar otros cuatro años para volver a intentarlo, resulta esperanzador saber que este partido logro, en unos pocos meses, convencer a casi tres millones de alemanes. Recordemos que, aunque sea un estereotipo, los alemanes son bastante tradicionales y reacios a cambios (y quien crea lo contrario que se fije en la campana política de Merkel que se ha basado en ello)

    Dejando a un lado el análisis de las ideas políticas de los seguidores de la AfD (euroescépticos liberales de derechas con pinta de licenciado del ICADE), ya que  en este caso no tiene importancia, mi principal conclusión de la noche estaba dedicada a la situación política de mi país. Las comparaciones son odiosas, lo se.

    Llama la atención que mientras que en España, los ciudadanos han salido a la calle con bastante asiduidad a mostrar su descontento con el actual gobierno y, en general, con la situación política; este descontento no se ha visto reflejado en las urnas. De hecho, no fue hasta hace unos meses cuando algunos integrantes del movimiento de 15M empezaron a plantearse la posibilidad de fundar un nuevo partido político (y solo se lo han planteado tras el éxito del partido del Movimiento Cinco Estrellas), totalmente lo contrario a lo que hicieron sus compatriotas alemanes que fundaron un partido político en plena crisis económica y siendo conscientes de la dificultad de superar los 3 millones de votantes. Durante la víspera del domingo, los principales líderes del partido agradecieron a sus seguidores el apoyo y, aunque al final de la noche reinaba un ambiente de tristeza en una sala que tras conocer los primeros recuentos se había ido vaciando, aceptaron el resultado con ganas de seguir intentándolo, agradeciendo el arduo trabajo de los meses anteriores y sobre todo, remarcando que su idea de la posibilidad de acabar con el sistema bipartidista alemán era posible.

    Esa específica y definida idea, el hecho de ser capaz de dar una opción, de luchar por unos ideales, fue la conclusión que saque de esa jornada que en apariencia no difería de la que se podría dar en cualquier sede de un partido español. Sin embargo, esa esencia que flotaba en el aire, el perfume de luchar para ganar (por supuesto) pero sobre todo porque creían en el cambio, fue la que se me quedo impregnada. Ojala mis políticos, mis ciudadanos sean capaces de llegar a la misma conclusión. Está claro que la meta, el fin, es la victoria pero esta nunca se alcanzara si uno no se da cuenta que para ello hay que recorrer un camino.

Reflexiones bostonianas

No recuerdo cuando descubrí que me gustaba correr. Pero si ue recuerdo mi primer cross escolar, la carrera popular del pueblo de al lado, las tardes en las pistas de atletismo de mi barrio... Porque, a pesar de las quejas de mi madre, mi vida ha estado bastante ligada a unas deportivas.

 Quizas por eso,  he tardado tanto en asimilar la la noticia sobre el atentado en el maratón de Bostón. Porque comprendo las sensaciones que provoca correr;  porque entiendo  la emoción de saber de que  cada metro, cada vez que detienes el crono en un segundo menos, es una superación personal; porque he sentido como, con cada zancada que daba me iba fundiendo en la naturaleza que me rodeaba; porque he sentido esa sencación de que lo único que uno depende es de sus propias piernas... 

Correr un maratón es una de las pruebas deportivas más duras que existen: para cualquier amateur significa  que, como mínimo va a pasar tres horas corriendo para superar esos 42 kilómetros. Quien no esté acostumbrado a correr quizá no entienda la dificultad que esto conlleva: es un reto no sólo físico sino también mental. No sólo dependes de la fuerza de tus piernas pero también de tu lucha mental.  Correr una maratón es un contaste diálogo con tu mente para seguir, para no parar y ceder al cansancio y al dolor.

Pero además, es una de esas pocas actividades deportivas que no están ligadas a la política. Quizá sea por el hecho de que, por mucho que corras con amigos, dependes de ti mismo para avanzar paso a paso. Así que, ¿cómo es posible que alguien sea capaz de poner unas bombas para que estallen en la meta de una maratón, donde esperan cientos de personas la llegada de familiares y amigos; de esos corredores que han pasado las últimas cuatro horas luchando contra ellos mismos?

Quizá, sea por eso, porque era una actividad que pasaba desapercibida, sin ningún tinte político y en el que no importaba de donde vinieses ni tu pasado ni tu futuro. Porque cuando uno corre se ¨hermana¨ durante unos minutos con esa persona que comparte unos metros a tu lado, simplemente por el mero hecho de que estáis avanzando juntos.

No creo que ninguno de los sospechosos hubiese tenido la oportunidad de disfrutar esta actividad tan sencilla que es correr. Y por eso, puedo llegar a entender porqué se decantaron por atentar en esta prueba, que para ellos representaba un símbolo de aquella sociedad que les había abierto sus puertas pero sólo para ponerles otro muro a los pocos metros. De este mundo en el que  nos fanfarroneamos de ser globales y abiertos mientras que, a nivel local, aumentamos nuestras diferencias y ponemos trabas a aquel que no es como nosotros.

Sin embargo, a la vez que ha sido nuestra sociedad la culpable de estas radicalizaciones, de esas crisis de identidad, de ese rechazo a lo diferente; es también la que se ha dado cuenta del problema. No nuestros políticos, sino cada uno de nosotros: las reacciones de los vecinos ante la catástrofe, el aumento de inscripciones de corredores en próximos maratones.. Porque en este caso, no se atentó contra un símbolo capitalista y político, si no contra una actividad universal tan individual como social.

Y yo por mi parte, seguiré como hasta ahora: calzandome unas deportivas y sonriendo a otros que como yo,  disfrutan del mero hecho de ser capaces de depender de sus propios pasos. Y por supuesto, con cada paso recordaré a aquellos que ya no podrán hacerlo.

Eliminando expectativas, creando identidades

Tener un buen trabajo, el matrimonio perfecto y un hijo antes de los 30.

¡Cuántas personas habrán dicho esta frase -o alguna simliar- en las últimas décadas! Es más, reconozco que, hubo un momento de mi vida en la que yo también pensaba y argumentaba en este modo de vida que, nuestra sociedad, nuestros padres y amigos nos imponían.

Por ejemplo, recuerdo como hace una decada,  argumentaba que antes de echarme novio me iba a ir fuera de España a estudiar un master.  Yo, siempre tan práctica era consciente que eso de estudiar en un pais y tener el novio en otro lugar, no era muy aconsejable (y menos cuando no existia FB, Whatsapp ni Skype) ¡Si es que yo tengo que tener genes teutones, que a pragmátcia no me gana nadie!

Por supuesto luego venia el Happy Ending: encontrar el trabajo perfecto, enamorarme y criar uno (o dos hijos). Vamos, lo que todo el mundo espera de ti, ¿no?

Si bien, no me parece nada mal este modo de vida (en el fondo es lo que todos buscamos con alguna que otra variación), el problema viene cuando estas expectativas o no se cumplen o descubrimos que no nos hacen felices.  Que la vida no es una película de Disney.

A lo largo de nuestras vidas, muchas veces nos dejamos guiar por lo que nos dicen, buscamos recorrer ese camino que nos han marcado como correcto olvidando que no existe sólo un sendero y que lo único que nos impide ser felices es nosotros mismos. ¿Es que acaso estudiar medicina, si lo que a ti te gusta es la historia te va a hacer más feliz? ¿Acaso tener una ingeniería te garantiza unas condiciones de vida mejores? Es más, ¿que significa tener unas condiciones de vida mejores? Y ¿por qué siempre que una mujer se aparta del camino establecido y decide, o bien no tener hijos o ser madre soltera recibe multitud de criticas? ¿Resulta que la hormona de la felicidad se encuentra en tener un cuerpo 10? ¿Por qué tiene que decidir nuestra sociedad cuál es la mejor opcion para nosotros, que es lo que nos tiene que hacer felices? Al igual que existen personas que encuentran a la pareja perfecta a los quince años,  existen otras personas que hayan varias durante su camino, o que simplemente deciden que son felices solos. Igualmente, con el trabajo.

No estoy diciendo que estas expectativas sean erróneas; las considero de lo mas normales.  Si no que, cada individuo, cada humano debe construir nuestra propia identidad, coincida o no con estas expectativas y sobre todo, a su ritmo. Asi, no iremos avanzando en un camino hacia la felicidad sino que iremos teniendo pequeños momentos de felicidad a lo largo de nuestro camino. Y nos evitaremos muchas depresiones.Y esas famosas crisis de los 30, de los 50....

Deberiamos dejar de creer en el cuento esde de "y vivieron felicies para siempre". No existe un camino que acabe con un letro de neon que diga: Welcomo to la tierra de la felicidad. Ésta se encuentra en cada uno de nuestros pasos.

Sólo la conseguiremos si somos nosotros, y no nuestra sociedad, los que creemos nuestra propia identidad. Y, además, afortunadamente, nuestra identidad va cambiando y gestándose con los años. ¿O acaso tenemos los mismos gustos con treinta años que con siete?

Tic, Tac...

Resulta curioso como a los seres humanos nos sorprende el paso del tiempo. Su frugalidad; como sin apenas darnos cuenta pasan minutos, horas, días y años. Y sin embargo, existen determinados momentos en los que, parece que un minuto dura un segundo... o una hora. 

Aunque, quizá, lo más asombroso sea que, aunque seamos capaces de medir el tiempo, de tener constancia de ello, es nuestra incapacidad a controlarlo  la que haga que tengamos este concepto presente en nuestras vidas y que siga llenando nuestros pensamientos. Porque, ¿quién no ha tenido la impresión de que los minutos no pasaban mientras esperaba ansioso ese metro que le llevaba de vuelta al hogar o, viceversa, cómo el tiempo había "volado" durante una cena con un buena amigo? Escritores, filósofos e historiadores han llenado folios sobre el paso del tiempo, cada uno a su manera: de forma poética y retórica, buscando la esencia o su sentido otros, y los últimos, intentando comprenderlo y explicarlo.

Claro que, la mayoría de la veces no plasmamos este paso del tiempo. total, es imposible. El presente se convierte, antes de que seamos conscientes de ello, en pasado y el futuro, ¿llega o se va?Porque siempre mañana acaba siendo un hoy. Y el hoy un ayer. 

Y yo, que hoy no venia a soltar tal discurso sobre el tiempo, si no el cómo me puse a leer posts de este blog que me hicieron añoran  los momentos que relaté,  pero también, sentirme una lectora extraña ante palabras que escribí hace unos años y que, había olvidado (y que son, algunas -sorprendentemente- bastante sabias), he acabado perdiéndome en la vorágine de ese agujero negro que es el tiempo. 

¿Habré sido consciente de los minutos que he pasado escribiendo este post?

Carta a los Reyes 2012

Last year, technical/software problems and the Christmas rush (plus laziness) avoid
me writing my Santa Claus letter. This year, I wanted to post this before leaving Berlin but I decide, it was better to do it after surviving the Maya's doomsday,

Worst feelings 2012
1.-The moment when I was told at the Dean's office that I was not going to be able to defend my thesis.
That moment when, my world really stopped and I was even unable to cry. How I felt (once again) that the world was not made for good people and for those who were fighting about something. How I laughed about karma. How I started to cry as I realized I spent the last months working hard on it to be able to be in Spain to attend a wedding and to hug Amaya. Yet, the feeling of "good things do not happen to good people". Feeling despair and realizing there was nothing else I could do.

2.-Coming back home and become aware that is not home anymore and that nothing is the same. But that everything is still the same.Understanding that two years abroad can be enough to break some friendships but that is not enough to solve the problems. Feeling that I do not want to be so far from my family but that I have to be. And that,my place is, currently, not in Spain.

3.- That feeling that there is something wrong inside me because I will always want what I cannot have and therefore, I will never be able to find a "perfect guy". And that, in the case I am more than " a nice girl", I cannot fall in love. And feeling powerless and stupid when he is around with his "maybe-yes-no" aptitude 'cos he knows I will still be nice with him.How he is able to turn my world upside down even at my own ground.

4.- Not being able to manage to be in Lucia's wedding and when Hector was born.

5.- The lack of stability. Going around once again. When a friend told me I was crazy to accept my internship in Berlin and leaving again for a ridiculous amount of money. Talking with friends and being the only one without any future plans (indeed, without any kind of future).

6.- Visiting Spain and realizing that, most of the people were not REALLY assuming the economic crisis. And knowing that this was only the beginning.

7.- Having an old friend visit and discovering that she was not as good friend as she should be. And, realizing that,  life has made you a worst person because, you decided that next time she will try to visit you, the answer will be "no".


Best feelings 2012
1.- Finishing the thesis & being able to defend it on time to go back home for Lorena's wedding. Crying on the plane landing in Madrid, in "mi Madri" because I was back: my two years project was over, I succeed it and  I had Amaya, my "sister", waiting for me to hug me. Hugging her and looking at her and see that she is happy.

2.- The happiness at my graduation party. That smile at my face, not because I was at that stupid ceremony but because I was there, with a friend from home and surrounding by most of my Master friends. The sense of joy of making that decision two years ago (and some other previous one). The peaceful of being close to the coast: to my own one.

3-. Meeting all my Master and home friends again (and making new ones. Seeing how "my home friends" are improving, enjoy a beer with them, laughing with them, meeting Vicky... In sum up: being able to be a small part of their life again. Most of them are surviving (and doing great well). Moving to Berlin and meet most of my master friends. That feeling (deep inside) that I am not walking alone and that, I am lucky as I am able to laugh around a beer or a vodka with a lot of amazing people.Meeting Ya Lin in Barcelona and showing her a part of me, of my culture. My amazing B-day gift from Doreen,

4.- Running again: The sense of being able to spend that time only for myself: for thinking, for relaxing  and finding a bit of peaceful or just for enjoying the landscape. Or even to prove myself I can achieve my goals (and that everything comes with effort and hard work). And, getting the same feeling whenever I go biking in Berlin.

5.- FSFE: Being part of that community, having something to fight for with the feeling I am trying to help to change the world. And doing it with awesome people. The moment when the people at my office told me that they will miss my smile (and feeling sad because I am going to leave them: because I will not going to be able to say a "Hi Karsten!" almost everyday, to get a "chica guapa" from Erik as a hi, to get a cookie from Matthias or a huge hug from Leo. But once again, knowing that sadness is positive and good).

6.- Getting a job in Berin: that evening when I was talking with Doreen and Ya Lin and after it, I checked my emails and found that I got a job!. Finally, the sense of being able to get a bit of stability, of getting the results of all these previous hard work. And in a city I like  and I can call "home".

7.- Good things happen to good people: feeling it for first time. And realice I am happy and that I want to smile and laugh and to share this happiness with everyone. And feel so so lucky even to be afraid of the future. But, still that fear is good as it makes me realice all I have (at least, all I got during 2012). And not only me: family and friends too.

Wishes/ Expectations for 2013

1- Go on being so lucky. Not only me but everyone around me -among them I have some names of friends that they do need a great 2013.

2.- Salud, dinero &amor: It might be time for the 3 of them. Money to be able to travel to visit friends, health because we always need it; and love because I think it is time for it.

3- Laughs and smiles: my deepthest wish is to continue having laughs and smiles in my daily life. They might not solve problems but at least, they help to do it. So, I will have my fingers cross to try to continue smiling and sharing a smile with everyone.

4.- Hope and a clear path for my friends: to all of them without a job (and of course, I hope they find a job), to my friends moving to start a new life (because they found a job, for love...). Hope to Doreen to find her way and place, hope to Elena to overcome all these last months problems.

5.- Que mi Amaya siga feliz, que siga poco a poco construyendo su casa junto a su marido y que pronto, podamos vernos.

6.- Visits: I want my friends and family to come to Berlin as it is my current (and let's hope for a long time) home. And it will also mean that they are healthy (I wish my oncle will come) and they have a job and money.

7.- Find time to continue having hobbies: to improve my German and my English (as they are also part of my, of my "new culture") but also to learn a new language.  But also to improve my cooking, software and dancing skills. And to recover old knowledge (knit a scarf) and to get new skills (maybe, learn to sky?)

And, one last wish: go on having those small happy moments like coming back home and finding an email from Ziyun or a FB message from Remberto, a message from someone telling me he is in berlin, a whatsapp from Isa asking how I am. Or getting a smile from some stranger or just going for a walk because it is snowing.

Assessing my life 2012

Last year I did not publish my letter so it is a bit harder to review it. But, looking back over last year (and even using the 2011 letter) I am trying to make it.

One year ago I was coming back from Canada with a broken laptop and the last semester to go: to write my Master thesis in a country where I was unable to communicate with the people (Poland). Besides, in my calender I had two weddings to attend, some new born to know and the hope of a summer visit from Costa Rica.
My friends were spread around Europe and  luckily, I managed to put all the "love issues" aside. On my ToDo list I had some family issues to solve and an uncertain future.

1. I am not only breathing but I went on swimming... and I managed to reach the coast line. After so many time in open water, it is relaxing.  Also, I am happy because some of my friends are also reaching it. Though there is still a long way to swim and yet, I need to solve some family issues.
2. It might be a year ago when I told to my amazing best friend that I wanted "that girl who was always laughing" back. She told me that was not going to be possible. Luckily, she was wrong. But I was also wrong: that girl was always there.
3. Last year, after Canada, I thought I was healed and the only broken thing was my laptop. One year later, I can totally assure I am healed and I do not have any computer problem anymore. Indeed, I do have: but it is related with my new hobby/belief and fight. So it is a "positive" problem.
4. Congrats! I have an usel diploma that says I am a M.A in Global Studies. I do not care about its academic implications but it is important for its "internal" and "soul" meaning. Studying this master has been one of my best decisions. I managed to survive all the polish bureocracy and at the end, to be able to defend my thesis on time to catch a plane to go back to Spain.
5. These last two years gave me so many moments to find myself. Good and bad ones. I continue doing it. I discover the magic of living: as everything around you, you and your perspectives are continually changing.
6. Two years with intense daily events have gone. There are a lot of new people in my life and only 24hours day. I discover that you do not need to speak the same language to communicate with others and I still have to meet an amazing baby. And I guess, I should work harder on keeping my friendships. I could not attend one of the weddings and it still makes me really sad. But at least, I could enjoy some days with Amaya. She picked me up from the airport in June!
7. The future is still really uncertain. But I learned that this is the way it has to be. Last July, when I decided to start an internship in Berlin, some of my friends called me crazy. I was not even sure about it (if I was going to like it) but I had to make that decision. There was no other way, no more crossroads. Currently, I am enjoying my last days there because I have a new project waiting for me. And, as much as I am willing to start the new job, I cannot put in words how much I got from this internship and how much it has helped me.

So, in sum up, I guess 2012 was a good year. There are still a lot of things to improve, a lot of fears to overcome and a lot of projects to make real. The year also came with a lot of bad feelings and some hard news but in general (and if I assume that all the loses are not my fault), if I pretend not to look to the world economic situation I can say that 2012 was one of those "quiet" and "peaceful" years.

El otro lado del atlántico

Aunque la idea de actualizar el blog para contar todos los detalles de mi semestre trasatlántico pero, por supuesto, he cambiado de moneda y de huso horario pero aún me sigue caracterizando el rasgo que da título al blog. Eso, y que el primer mes en una ciudad nueva siempre es excitante, angustioso, divertido, loco... y lo que menos tiene uno es tiempo. O mejor dicho, ya que el tiempo siempre está ahí, uno decide invertir su tiempo en otra cosa.

Estos últimos días he pensado mucho en el tiempo y aunque suena totalmente repetitivo, ¡qué rápido pasa!. Muchas veces miramos atrás y pensamos en el tiempo malgastado, en lo que no hemos hecho, en cómo la gente va cambiando, creciendo, envejeciendo. Y es que, en muchos casos miramos al tiempo con malos ojos o  pidiéndole explicaciones. Estos días, en mi caso lo he mirado a través de los conocimientos adquiridos en un año, de las experiencias vividas y como, todo ese pasado, que parece que a veces  no tenía sentido, fluye. O quizá  es que yo le he buscado. No lo tengo muy claro. 

Coincidencias de la vida, acabo de buscar el día exacto que estos dos años de mi vida más o menos comenzaron, el día que volé a Leipzig por primera vez. 26 de septiembre de 2010.Un año (y un día) más tarde, me encuentro en el mismo master pero en una situación que nunca habría imaginado. ¿Ana en Canada? ¿En Halifax, una ciudad que ni sabía que existía? Pero eso no es lo único. Hace un año apenas sabía quienes eran Edward Said o Noam Chomsky. Hoy, vivo en una casa con todas las publicaciones de estos dos autores.

Desgraciadamente, los libros no son míos. Son del dueño de la casa donde actualmente resido. Él es un iraní que salió huyendo del país, a travéa qs de las montañas, cuando comenzó la revolución. Desde entonces, no ha podido volver a su patria aunque creo que se considera bastante canadiense tras vivir años en este país donde estudió y donde vive la mayoría de su familia, como sus padres. Sus hijos viven en Alemania, país en el que también ha residido al igual que en USA. Por lo que sé, se dedica a algo relacionado con la bolsa y las finanzas aunque de lo que le gusta hablar es de... fútbol.  Creo que fui a caer en la única casa en si no todo Canadá, seguro que en Halifax, donde existe un fanático del deporte estrella europeo. Mientras escribo estas líneas está en su sala de televisión disfrutando del Bayern contra el Manchester City, con el otro componente de la casa: un estudiante que también está aquí un semestre, y va a la universidad "rival" y que, como buen alemán que es se llama Steffan.

En un principio, el dueño iba a alquilar sólo una habitación (la de Steffan) ya que la casa no tenía más, pero una vez su hijo decidió que quería venir a partir de enero a estudiar a Halifax, Kamran- que así se llama el dueño- optó por alquilar dos habitaciones y así ahorrar lo suficiente para no tener que estar alquilando nada el próximo semestre. Asi que, optó por alquilarme (de esto me enteré una vez dije que sí a la otra habitación) el dormitorio principal ya que él no lo usaba porque se quedaba - y se queda- dormido en su sala de televisión en el sofá que tiene ahí. Y como mi habitación no iba a tener tele... ¡me hacía descuento!. Aunque la situación sonaba rara porque sólo tengo la mitad del armario (el hombre tiene que tener su ropa en algún lado) todo ha resultado muy normal y yo me encuentro muy cómoda. Incluso, ya que no tengo mesa (propiamente dicho), puedo usar su despacho.  A parte de pagar por mi habitación mensualmente, tengo que ocuparme de comprar unos productos básicos  aunque la mayoría de esos productos los aporta él. E incluso, cuando cocina nos invita a unirnos o alguna mañana me ha hecho el café. Lo que ni mi padre hace en España. Por supuesto,  me tengo que ocupar de tener limpia mi habitación (aunque él cambia las flores semanalmente) y una vez cada dos semanas tengo que limpiar el cuarto de baño. 

Creo que para explicar esto úlitmo necesitaría un post entero asi que sólo diré: se tarda unos 40-60 min en limpiar y para ello tengo que emplear unos 7 productos distintos. Pero una vez que aprendes el proceso, no es para tanto... total, el dueño se encarga del resto de la casa y tenemos lavavajillas aunque hay aún otras normas relacionadas con el orden y la limpieza, que dejo para otra ocasión.

Mi vida universitaria es bastante provechosa una vez he decidido que este semestre no quería seguir discutiendo si la globalización existía o no. Que quería economía y desarrollo sostenible. Asi que he escogido mis tres asignaturas (suena fácil eh? pues pensad que se como si tuviese unas 8-10 en España) relacionadas con ello. Y además asisto como oyente a otra y voy a clases de hablar de francés. 

Esto puede ser Canadá pero la universidad sigue el modelo estadounidense: la primera semana los padres de los primerizos tenían también actividades y creo que es obligatorio que los alumnos de primer año vivan en residencia donde por supuesto, tienen plan (obligatorio) de comidas. Y por si algún padre estaba aún preocupado, tienen clases donde les enseñan a comer saludablemente y a cocinar y además, por las noches tienen personas que les acercan a su residencia desde la otra punta del campus para que no les pase nada (no he visto datos sobre violencia pero dudo que sean muy altos). Por supuesto, desde el primer día se han comprado todos el merchandising de la universidad (que para quien no lo sepa aún se llama Dalhousie y aunque en Canadá todas tienen más o menos el mismo nivel parecer ser que es de las mejores)  y tenemos un equipo de "Canadien football" (varía un poco respecto al americano) que se conoce como "The Tigers" porque los colores de la universidad son el amarillo y el negro. Por supuesto, hay cheerleaders.

No quiero entretenerme explicando cómo funciona la universidad porque es muy sencillo, lo único que necesitas es tener muchos dólares (canadienses). Porque, "welcome to America", la tierra de las oportunidades... con el bolsillo lleno. Los artículos y libros que necesitas para las clases no están libremente, no te dicen ni "vete a la biblioteca y los buscas". Te dicen "vas a la librería de la universidad y te compras el libro y el cuaderno con los artículos". Precio= 200 dólares. Derechos de copyright lo llaman.  Como servidora viene de Europa donde la universidad te deja acceder a sus bases de artículos y journals, se puso a buscar. Y a día de hoy he conseguido todo lo que necesitaba. Eso si, en favor de la universidad diré que si pides un libro que está en otra universidad en Canadá en dos o tres días lo tienen (espero que no se entere de eso mi pobre padre que le hice escanearme dos capítulos de sendos libros de la UAH pensando que las copias que pedí vía mi biblioteca tardarían casi un mes). Y como curiosidad: no está permitido llevar perfume en la universidad. No sea que provoques una reacción alérgica al vecino.

Del nivel de vida creo que hablaré en otro momento al igual de todo lo que está prohibido en este país. Eso sí, a pesar de todo ello, Halifax es una ciudad maravillosa y vivo tan cerca del puerto que oigo las sirenas muchas veces. Exceptuando el día que le da por llover, el tiempo es maravilloso. Y cuando tengo morriña, sólo tengo que mirar al océano y pensar que al otro lado está Europa.

Somewhere over the...

Though the window I just see the usual mix of blue, green and brown. All the same, all different, these are our planet colors. I wish I could just open the window and fly, feeling the texture of those white clouds that seems to be artificial or just a candy for the children. But not only touching them, also tasting. It is just water vapor, I know but, who has not have that dream?
As we are reaching the top lawyers of the Earth, the clouds are melting with the ground and it seems they are just sawing me a way. It would be so easy to just jump from one to the other! Though they are just taking another path, not the one I am starting today so I have to apologize to them: just wait for me… maybe I can follow you in the future.; but not today. Now it is my moment for the second step of a path that started 365 days ago.
August, 31 2010. How can I forget that date? I remember that day I was out most of the time. I do not remember exactly my day though I remember that I was having a coffee, or just talking, with a great friend and then I met a “new neighbor acquisition” (another really good friend) to go for a run. However I really remember when I came back it was around 10pm and I did what now it has become another “vital task”: check my mail.
“I am glad to inform you that you have been accepted”. Wait a second. What??? I had to rub my eyes and read it again. Was that meaning that at the end my plan A was going to work? That after all, after that sunny, horrible (but also amazing thanks to a really important person) day a month ago in Ovio where I realized I have to find a new plan C – plan B was not working neither- I was going to get my plan A at the end? And that last horrible month trying to find a new way was going just to be over?
So, I did what I do when I am scared, when I do not know what to do. I run into the kitchen to find my father and explain him all the plans and future alternatives. After that, I made some calls. And I decided. After that, I also stop doing plans and I decide no more having always one or two alternative plans. No more planning.
365 days after that. The first stage of that the decision is just over. The second, and last round, is starting.
Several miles upper, here I am. Everything is now white. As it is cloudy clouds are not brighten but their mantle is still amazing. It seems like when you have a coffee with a lot of cream. You know that what it is under is amazing and perfect, and indeed, it is what you want, the coffee but still you feel you want that cream to long forever… . Bye Leipzig, I hope to see you soon. Bye Germany and Europe, I wil miss you too. But it is time to cross the ocean and say, Hello Halifax!

Recuerdos: Mosel, Trier and life

Mosel, cradle of theRiesling wine. The Moselle, the river that divides Trier. Augusta Treverorum, Karl Marx’s birth city, was my city during one semester. It was the winter semester 2006/07. I said goodbye to the city several days after carnival.

Hallo Trier, hola Mosel, hello Carnival. The city greets me again (and to all their tourists too). The sun, wise, is shinning to reflect all the colors of the clean water of the Mosel. Surrounding me, everything is sparkling. The green of the grass contrasts with the brown of the naked trees. Life is starting to grow in them again, just to advice everyone that a new spring will come.

Four years later everything is the same, all has changed. Me too. I cannot avoid remembering all those little moments here, all the things I did. Some of these memories were locked in my mind. Now, they come back. All are good, of course. It is said that the human beings keeps the good reminds and forget the bad ones, but how can anyone remember bad situations walking down the Mosel alone in a sunny Saturday?

Mosel’s water looks the same as four years ago but as I know it is not the same. The river, also, perceives that the one that is now looking at it has change too. As well as we do not notice most of our memories, men are, continuously, changing. Meanwhile the water of the river flows to the sea, our life goes to one, clear and inevitable, end. During that way we learn, we suffer, we laugh. We live.

As I am looking at the Mosel or at the Constantine Basilica, I realize how much I have lived. It has not been as I was dreaming four years ago at all. I am surely not in the part of my way where I was imaging I was going to be but, at the end, I learnt dreams and projects come and go. We cannot control most of the factors than influent our daily life. Only, we can see backwards, watch the path we have walked and ask ourselves two simple questions: am I happy? Am I the kind of person I want to be? At the end, almost nothing else matters.

I have no job, I am far from most the people I love but I am happy. I stop looking for happiness and suddenly, I found it just by living. I found it these days, walking through Trier again, having a drink with an old friend and, making new ones. But more important, I am proud of myself, I like the kind of person I am becoming although, the river and the city have reminded me that I was going to continue changing and there are still a lot of path to walk. I made some promises to myself to go on in this way. I do not know when I am going to come back but I am really sure, i won't be the same and neither the city nor the river. Everything will seem the same but it won't. I hope I can say again to the river: Hallo! Wie geht’s?, but what I really hope to is to look again at the last years and realize I could be still proud of myself.

My 2011 ABC

I'm going to take another's friend idea. It seems I have no imagination. It might be or maybe I just don't want to think about a post... and her idea was really great (and she took it from another friend too). But instead of writing my 2010 dictionary, I'm going to write the 2011 one.

A: for my name (Ana) and my city's name (Alcalá). That is also the only vowel as in my name and surname as in my city "short" name. I'm not going to be in my city most of the year but I belong to it. I'm part of it as I reckon my name makes myself too. Besides, some of my best friends' name have these vowel (and two of them have only "A" too).

B: for Berlin. That city I always loved and I've visited last year. It was only a day but next year I hope I'll stay there longer.

C: for Coffee. I expect to drink lots of cups of coffee: as breakfast, at the Uni, at a Café, alone, with friends…

D: for Dictionaries. English/Spanish; German/Spanish (I hope); and maybe Polish/Spanish

E: for English and Essays. The language in which I’m going to use most of the year and the Essays I’ll have to write in that language.

F: for Future. Because 2011 is my future and I hope it will bring good things.

G: for Global Studies. There's no need for more explanations

H: for Home and Happiness. Because I'm going to miss my home but I realized I have two homes now and in both I feel really happy.

I: for India. I think it's my only desire right now. I really would love to go there... I have no expectations I get it but I still have hope.

J: for Job. Maybe I'm not going to have a job in 2011 but at least I hope the economic situation will be better than last year.

K: for Kaleidoscope. Because there are almost no words with K and I like that thing.

L: for Leipzig. My current city. My new home and the place I’m going to spend half of the 2011 year.

M: for Mobile phone and Mail. Two useful tools I need to keep in touch with friends and family.

N: for New. For all the new (bad and good) things that are coming, new places, new experiences, new friends, new knowledge. And News

O: for Opera. I really want to go to the Opera in 2011

P: for Posts. I hope to continue working in the cinema blog and writing in this blog so I’ll have to write many posts.

Q: for the Questions I still need to get an answer / answers (and I hope to get in 2011)

R: for “Risa”. Because I hope to continue laughing and smiling and also, be able to make people smile and laugh.

S: for Santander. Because I have a best friends’ wedding there this summer

T: for Tee and Time. What else can I ask for?

U: for Unexpected. Everything can happen.

V: for Visits. Because I hope I'll receive some visits in 2011

W: for Wroclaw and Wien. The first one is the place where I'm going to be in the course 2011/12 and the second one, where most of my master friends from this year will be.

X: for XXX.

Y: for “yo” ( me) and for you. For Amaya.

Z: for “zapatos” (shoes). I love shoes and I expect to buy some this year.

Santa Claus letter / Carta a los Reyes Magos

One of the people I most admire and love has a great habit: write every year her "Santa Claus Letter" (or three kings letter) in her blog. When the year is almost finished, she reviews it. I´ve never done that so this will be my first (and I hope not only) time. I cannot review what I was asking for last year but I still remember some of my dreams and hopes.

Last year I was trying to fix my life… personal and professional. As it is most difficult to sort out the professional one, I focus on the personal… with the risks it carries.

What was I doing last year in December? I was in Siemens Spain with an internship and also I was thinking about applying for a Master Course… I knew how the laboral situation was in Spain but as all my dreams (so the ones of some friends) had gone away I started to doubt about my decisions, myself… At the end I did the worst thing I could ever have done: instead of trying to fix myself, I focused on someone else. That was a huge mistake. First, fix yourself, and then you can go to try to find someone… who deserves you.

Where am I now? My Facebook says that I am in Leipzig. But it cannot say anything about how I’m feeling now. I am not going to talk about that here, only I can say I come to study because I didn´t want to be in Spain with more internships and I wanted to improve my career. I’m studying (or reading).

So, without more delay… this is my Santa Claus letter for next year

Worst “2010” feelings

1. - Lose my self-confident. Think that I do not deserve anything better, that all my decisions were wrong, and that I was bad at my job… Feel that I was a disaster and my completely life was a failure (and that maybe my parents were right when they asked me to do a scientific degree).

2. - Look how my friends were trying to fight too. Look how they were falling down. Know that I couldn´t help them. Try to help them and fail in my attempt.

3.- Suffer anxiety (and cry and cry) because everything was wrong, because my parents couldn´t understand my situation, how I was feeling.

4. - The moment I received the negative answer (or the “no but maybe”) of the master I was trying to study. That sensation (for the first time in my life) that I had no more “B plans” left, that I was fighting a year for nothing.

5. - Assume that life is not fair. Assume that people are not good. Assume that people can disappoint you.

6. - Try to achieve someone

love to feel better (or to try to fix a part of my life). Listen “I don´t love you” but go on, continue trying to get that simple three words, just to feel that one part of my life was correct ( I still think I didn´t love him too). Just trying to have someone to love and don´t even pretend to get the feeling back. Put all my efforts and my hopes in someone and know, not only he didn´t deserved them, but also that that was not the right thing (and that was a road without end). Not be strong enough to stop that relationship. That trip to Toledo and thodr nights I spend crying in his bed.

7. - Know that, despite all the work, my internship was unworthy, that I was going to stay at home again without any kind of job opportunity.

8. - When a friend called me (at work) to tell me where she had being the night before (and with whom). That moment, the feeling of stop believing in love

9.- My friends and family health problems.

Best 2010 moments

1. - Come back home after a great day and found an email. I got accepted in the master (at the end!).

2. – Realize I start to believe in me again; I start to “glue myself together”, to heal myself. Feel that everything has made me not only stronger but also a better person.

3.- Look how some of those friends are starting to find their ways: new jobs, new experiences and boyfriends, future weddings..

4. - Phone -crying and without being able to speak- to that friend (or those friends)… and get her support.

5.- The “Camino de Pelayo”. Those wonderful days out of Madrid, walking, singing and enjoying life with a great company and recovering part of my strength back to look for more “B plans”

6. - Make new friends: those “job fellows”, the ones from French classes, that boy from that English conversation at the Uni… and my new international friends from the Master. That moment, that day, when you just wake up and starts to feel that some peole are starting to be important to you; that moment when you realize they have stop being “people that you know” to start to become to be “friends”.

7.- The first snow in Leipzig. Go to the Uni and look through the window how the snow was falling. That color mixture between the green of the ground and the trees and the white of the snow. Feel the snow in my face.

8.- Find that I can be far away but my friends are still here whenever I need them so it seems as they are really close to me… and that I can always have coffee or a beer with them when I´m at home.

9.- Laugh in Berlin (and also some moments in Leipzig, Viena, Weimar, Poland…). Those moments where it seems that time has stopped and everything is just perfect.

10.- Realize I can fall in love, start to believe in it again but do not really worry about that. Realize that for first time I do not need a man next to me saying “I love you”.

Desires (and hopes) for 2011

1. - Stay alive. My family, my friends and me. At the end, it is the most important, just breathe.

2. - Go on being optimist and enjoying the life. Always trying to be a good and nice person

3.- Finish to heal myself

4.- Learn what Globalization is, thought it has now answer, but during that way, continue to know and meet really interesting and nice people (and I hope that, in the future, maybe not all of them but some will be real “friends”).

5.- If I decide to be in a relationship, do not lose myself. Do not be with someone that is not going to fight for me or that deserves me.

6.- Make my friends life easier, help them to achieve their dreams and stay there when they have to get over their fears and nightmares.

That´s all. It was really hard because this year was really painful, because telling our fears, our feelings and our hopes is being vulnerable but it was worth. Probably the order is not correct (and sometimes also the use of the language) so sorry for that. Also I want to remark that despite of all the awful things, it was a good year. I learned from bad situations and at the end, I think I’m more mature, better person and stronger.

Pd. Si alguien desde mi querido pais tiene problemas para entenderlo, que me lo diga.

Continuando... Thanksgiving con "spanish omelette" y nieve

Tras prácticamente un mes sin un minuto libre, la Vaga vuelve a intentar estar conectada. Siento mucho haber tardado tanto en volver a sentarme a escribir delante de un ordenador, pero entre viajes (más o menos obligatorios), un examen y problemas de conexión, lo fui dejando. Pero he vuelto. Y espero que para mantenerme.

¿Qu¡e que ha pasado en este mes? ¡Qué no ha pasado! He visitado Weimar y el campo de concentración de Buchenwald, he visitado Viena (aunque con poco tiempo), hice un "mid-term examn" (en el que podíamos tener los apuntes pero no servían para nada) y ya he perfeccionado mi técnica de hacer tortillas para varias fiestas. Además, me han pedido que escriba este blog en la lengua de Shakespeare pero, por el momento, eso no va a suceder (lo siento por mis compañeros pero bastante tengo ya).

Hoy podría hablar de muchísimas cosas (como de mi alfombra de dos euros, de como sigo siendo tan pava como en España y me choco contra verjas...) pero como mi background periodístico me avisa que lo pasado, al no ser actual ya no es noticia, os hablaré de Thanksgiving, de mi primer Acción de Gracias.

Como tenemos varios americanos en el Master y suelen ser los organizadores de la mayor parte de la fiesta (dos de ellos viven en casas grandes y una prácticamente sola) fueron ellos los precursores. Mientras que uno se encargó del pavo (no es como el de la foto pero tenía muy buena pinta -y sabía muy bien, que aunque no como esa carne lo probé) y una de las chicas, que es vegana, del resto de los platos. El resto, aportamos nuestros conocimientos de nuestros respectivos países. Total, uno estupendo acción de gracias con bebida, muchísima comida y varios postres.

Yo hice mi ya famosa tarta de queso y ayudé al español (o él a mi :-p) a hacer dos tortillas de patatas. Y es que, ¡ese plato nunca puede faltar en una fiesta en el extranjero!. Eso sí, casi se nos quema la cocina al intentar dar la vuelta a una tortilla de patata con otra sartén (no teníamos plato grande).

Podría contar mil y un detalles de la cena de Thanksgiving, de lo riquísimo que estaba todo (y los muchísimos kilos que habré ganado), de la tarta de chocolate y la bebida extraña caliente de ron, de cómo nos pusimos a jugar con unas bolitas de una extraña pasta que hizo una china (que por cierto, no pude ni probar de lo mucho que me dolía el estómago de comer) lánzandonos bolitas (no con las echas, claro, sólo de pasta sin freir) unos a otros, de cómo en círculo dimos gracias todos por estar ahí, de la fiesta a la que fui después y de cómo, me empapé por culpa de la nieve, de la extraña música del bar y de cómo, de no beber chupitos de tequila ya casi no recuerdo como se hacía... E incluso, de que tras jugar un rato en la nieve, no me importó andar sola casi media hora por las solitarias calles de esta ciudad para volver, empapada y nevando, a casa.

Pero al final, lo importante es lo que descubrí ayer por la mañana y que luego terminé de entender por la noche. Venir aquí, tener la oportunidad que estoy teniendo (con mucho esfuerzo) y descubrir que formo parte de un gran grupo de, afortunadamente, gente estupenda. Casi todos ellos podrán ver este blog y no van a entender casi ninguna palabra, ellos no saben nada de mi vida pasada (algo pero no mucho) ni saben lo que he dejado atrás. Pero aún así, gracias a ellos, a su energía, a sus momentos como " Ana voy a darte un abrazo porque eres española y seguro que echas de menos esas cosas" y al "Ana, you're so nice" junto con esos gritos, bailes raros y brindis... me han ayudado a volver a sentir que tengo mi lugar en el mundo y que estoy tomando la decisión correcta. Asi que yo ayer agradecí eso, estar aquí justo este año, compartiendo este momento y riéndonos de la globalización, odiando a Sassen, hablando de "Territorialization", "frontiers" y "borders" pero también de "harry potter" o de fumar.

Pd. Eso no significa que no eche de menos a todos aquellos que estáis en mi querida tierra.