martes, 31 de diciembre de 2013

Carta a los Reyes Magos 2013

And once more, it is time to write the Carta a los Reyes Magos. The main reason why I am writing so late this year is because it took me time to think about the worst feelings. Of course, there were bad moments during this year but still, it was hard to define them as really bad ones.  So I am going to short my letter to 5 events.
Maybe I am becoming more and more optimist or as who knows, it might be that I am looking at the bright side of life.

Worst feelings 2013
1. All those moments and days coming back home from work with the feeling that I didn't know what I was doing with my life. Night shift days and the feeling of having to prove every single second not only that I was able to do my tasks but others too... and  realizing there were lots of people who didn't have to do that.

2. Bad things come always together so those horrible days in June in which everything was bad and the feeling of crying but not being able to do it. So crying without tears. The uncertainty of  my father's disease.

3. The same drama when I go back home and the same feeling every year and although I know it is like that, the incapacity to avoid it, to do not suffer because of it.

4. Losing and missing him. And not being able to avoid it as it was a bad moment and I was not able to give the most of myself. The feeling, once everything was over , that I could have gave him so so many things... and I gave so little: only problems and drama. And being ashamed about everything.

5 The feeling or moment when I realized that I had no idea what I was doing with my everyday life: that I was in a dynamic where I was not  enjoying having hobbies or doing something with the exception of  working (although it is hard  to have hobbies working on shifts and I solved it - from July,  I started to do things again)

Best feelings 2012
1.Learning to be patient. And having patience and patience and patience. Because to reach the end of the road you have to walk a  little step everyday. And those little moments of  being able to prove myself and succeed in it.

2. Amaya in Berlin - hosting Amaya during the Berlinale. And being able to have a little piece of Costa Rica in Berlin. Being so so proud of her. Being able to see her after one year.

3. Finding a (quasi) perfect place and a wonderful flatmate who is always there, for good and bad moments. Finding stability (according to my meaning of it).

4.  Paris, Milan,  a wedding in Berlin, a coffee with a friend, meeting little new lives.. in Madrid, Berlin, Leipzig....Once more,  the feeling of having awesome friends. So to sum up, a lot of little moments with friends. And that feeling that I am not working alone.

5. And, because the best moments are sometimes related with the worst ones: meeting him and that moment I realized I wanted  it  to work out, even when it was too late for that.


Wishes/ Expectations for 2014
1.365 days full of achievements: new challenges at the office (and finally, to get the department I want), new trips and above all, meetings with old friends. I was able to get a guest room so my wish is to be able to have to prepare it for lots of visitors.

2. happiness, stability and health  for everyone I know - that means a baby for someone, a weeding for others, the end of a disease, finding a job.... And being able to be part of it (in presence or from the distance).

3. Costa Rica - enjoy the place where Amaya lives, enjoy some holidays surrounded by the sound of the nature. 

4. Keep on running. For 2014 I wanted to run Berlin's marathon but I was unlucky and I didn't get a spot. Anyways,  I want to continue jogging, as at the end, it is what I am. And also continue with football and Zumba.

5. Collaborate with the FSFE - I support it but this year a bit lack of time plus laziness avoid me to helping them as much as I wanted. In 2014 I want to have more commitment.


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